Cheap laughs.

We all have simple ways — finding simple ways to amuse ourselves and others. Sure, there's the commonplace jocularity that happens generally around coffee and water depots, but I'd like to shed some light on another type of exercise all together, one that we at SGDP embrace with a true and unique sense of creativity and (at times) genius. Yes, it's the haiku!

Try it!

Pick a subject, and do your best. Truthfully, there's no easier style of poetry I know of. 5-7-5 is sort of scientific isn't it? Then again, adding your own insights, meanings, and creativity will always make these poems more fun than strict science can allow (save Dolly the sheep).

Disclaimer: Yes, it's true, we don't practice true Japanese haiku. (True Japanese haiku does not translate striclty into 5, 7, 5 syllables per line.) At SGDP, however, we do. (That's why it's so easy.)

Oh, blog, what is this?
Insipid ripples abound
duplicate data

 

—Marcus, Senior Designer

Two simple reasons: One, which many already know, is that Apple will be releasing its next OS, Leopard, in October. The second reason is that the Museum of Science and Industry will be hosting the greatest exhibit in its history the very same month, and it’s going to be even bigger than the famous Titanic or Bodyworlds exhibits. I’m talking about “Star Wars: Where Science Meets Imagination.” Costumes, full-size replicas and science: a great learning experience for the geek and non-geek.

September is going to be such a long month. — Cesar, Production Designer

Every once in a while, I’ll see an ad, hear a commercial or read a brochure, and comment, “I wish I had done that.” The Super Bowl ad for Emerald Nuts continues to be one of those for me.

In this TV spot, a group of office workers get the afternoon blahs around 3 o’clock. As they doze off at their desks, a mischievous Robert Goulet drops in and starts eating memos, shredding important papers and pouring coffee on computer keyboards. He has the run of the office until he encounters a guy who’s munching on Emerald Nuts to sustain his energy. By doing so, he’s prevented Goulet from messing with his stuff.

Wow, what brilliant insight. Who hasn’t felt sleepy in the afternoon when their blood sugar crashes? And who hasn’t wondered what happened to that file they had just set down on their filing cabinet? I know I have.

The idea of drawing a direct correlation between the two truths we have all experienced is brilliant. But the real genius is having the iconic Robert Goulet become the office gremlin. It’s irreverent, comical and very memorable.

What’s more, this commercial has created a new phrase that I’ve personally adopted into my lexicon. On afternoons when my eyelids grow heavy, I turn to my coworkers and invite them to come with me to the corner convenience store to grab a snack. Why? To keep Robert Goulet from messing with my stuff.

I never get tired of seeing this spot. Eight months after it first aired, it continues to resonate with me. I wished I had worked on that ad. — Karl, Copywriter

In a recent study from Stanford University, Dr. Tom Robinson discovered that children’s taste preferences can be affected by food packaging. Robinson asked children ages 3-5 to sample identical foods placed in either McDonald’s-branded or plain wrappers. The result: the majority of kids thought most of the foods in the branded wrappers tasted better. Even products like carrots, which aren’t even sold at McDonald’s.

Though Robinson was surprised at the results, his study illustrates how branding can evoke powerful emotions from customers of all ages. After all, isn’t jewelry in a turquoise bag better? Farm equipment painted green and yellow more rugged? Scarves from an orange box more sophisticated?

I know we’re taught not to judge a book by its cover, but let’s face it: branding affects how we make decisions. When it comes to spending my money, I prefer jeans with a little red tag on the back pocket, computers engraved with a half-eaten apple and French fries that come in a little bag featuring a golden “M.” Why should kids have all the fun? — Karl, Copywriter

I am a collector of "useless" facts. In recent years I've found this seemingly useless hobby to be quite useful at cocktail parties, filling awkward silences, and even building an idea or two for marketing purposes.

The childhood question "Why is the sky blue?" was just the start. In high school, I was amazed when our chemistry teacher brought liquid oxygen to a boil at room temperature. Great mysteries were revealed and I still think that boiling at 70 degrees just plain cool.

This summer, while visiting my family in central New York, I noticed that nearly every barn we passed was red. I then realized that nearly every barn I'd ever seen was, in fact, red. Then the inevitable question: "What's up with that?" Although I'm not a particularly obsessive person, the question nagged at me. I tried my usual method of face-to-face questioning friends, family and even a few strangers, but to no avail. Then, all hail the mighty Internet search engines! What did I ever do without them?

Here's what I found out. Traditionally, the wood would be sealed with linseed oil mixed with milk and sometimes lime. Many farmers began adding rust (an easy-to-find item on any farm) to the mixture as a means to prevent fungus and mold from growing on the barn. How brilliant is that? The rust additive made the sealant red (or reddish at least) — hence red barns. From there, it appears, it was all about fashion and budget. The red stood out next to the traditionally white houses (another hour spent on that, but I still can't find a reasonable answer) and red paint was cheaper in the 1800s, until whitewash came on the scene.

So there's a little bit of info to file away for later use. I don't know about anyone else, but I feel better now.

One more factoid in honor of the close of the U.S. Open and my newfound love of tennis, the term "love" to indicate zero in tennis actually comes from "oeuf," the French word meaning egg. The English mispronounced it, and now we have "love".

If anyone knows why they call that perforated flap on the inside of a return envelope a bangtail, please let me know—even almighty Google has its limitations. Perhaps the folks at Snapple, with their pearls of useless wisdom, can help? — Jennifer, Account Supervisor

I've been postponing my PS1 upgrade for a couple of years now. I had my sights set on the Xbox 360 for the hi-def resolution but, after experiencing the rush of adrenalin, laying punch after punch, bobbing and weaving and knocking my opponent ruthlessly to the mat in a bout of Wii Boxing, I'm seriously reconsidering. It boasts a controller that serves as an extension of my body, forcing me to use muscles that have been in hibernation since the early 90s. The picture quality and game detail is definitely sub-par compared to the Xbox, but the physical interaction brings a whole new dimension to gaming. I just can't decide between the two. Pros and cons anyone? — Mick, Designer

We have been at this for hours and it feels as if, even with so much focus and concentration, we have gotten nowhere. The heat is still, heavy and altogether daunting. Two of the crew are on the edge of falling asleep, and Nikki is already looking tired and weak. All this, and there is, as far as any of us can tell, no end in sight. When, dear God, will this meeting end?

These were my thoughts as I sat through the orientation meeting before the start of the Kiehl’s Badwater Ultramarathon this year. I was there as crew for my great friend, Nikki Seger. The meeting was over three hours long in an un-air-conditioned room—most of which seemed meaningless and tedious. It’s not enough that the 84 competitors and their crews will spend the next 60 hours working to carry one another safely to the finish through triple-digit temps, blazing sun and an over 8,000-foot ascent—best we first exhaust them mentally and physically with a useless braindrain, evoking a level of boredom the likes of which you normally expect only from national sales conventions or symphonies by Phillip Glass. But hey, that’s endurance, I guess.

You’d expect someone to do something like this with a professional crew of runners. Nikki doesn’t always do what’s expected. She must have filled out her crew choice form like a Mad Lib. We were myself (a writer), Jim Pfitzer (professional storyteller), Nancy Seger (mom) and Mary Gorski (okay, better have one Ultra runner). So, a lot of people ask how that worked out. Well, here’s an excerpt from the road:

Jim: So, you guys just tell me what to do and where to go and I’ll do it.
Me: Same here.
Mary: Well, don’t everybody look at me. I’ve only crewed this once before.
Mom: Aw, hell.
Jim: I’ll fill out the log. What are we at? Mile…
Mary: One.
Jim: Time?
Mary: 8:13 a.m.
Jim: Ah. And what was the temp at the start?
Me: 109 degrees.
—Silence.—
Mom: Aw, hell.

We were, you might say, the epitome of rare form. If by “rare form,” you mean a rag-tag band of novices putting every ounce of blood, sweat, tears, various other bodily fluids and such (often on the side of the road. Seriously, “behind a bush” didn’t even apply) toward a single common goal: reaching the finish (and trout fishing; is it crazy to have come to the desert for the fish?).

Okay. Naturally, everyone’s biggest question at some point is why? Why would 80-some people from all over the globe flock to the bowels of North America only to traverse a desert, with an over 3,000-foot-high ridge in the middle, and then ascend to Mt. Whitney Portal, 8,312 feet up America’s tallest peak? Why, even I was itching to know. But the thing is…none of them can tell you in any way that makes sense.

My answer? Well, I am a fly fisherman. And Nikki is my favorite guide. So, the Golden Trout of the High Sierras were reason enough. — Steve, Copywriter